Tisha made it through surgery!!! (If you haven't visited this blog in a while, read this post for background.) I really couldn't allow myself to hope that he would, because I was concentrating all my energies on preparing myself in case he didn't. I have long grappled with the understanding of our mortality... I think all of us who share our lives with pets know that we're likely to confront death sooner through them than through our human loved ones. In the week leading up to the surgery I found myself at a loss to describe my feelings. I wasn't wholly sad, because Tisha was suffering and I wanted to see that pain ended. I wasn't really angry because death comes for us all, and I had no regrets. And I couldn't be completely anxious, because we knew things were out of our hands. But there was definitely something, a tightness and a weight I wasn't fully aware of until afterward, when we got the good news and I wept in relief and gratitude. Whatever that emotion was, it made its way through all of me, affecting my thoughts and my reactions as well as my body. Today I feel a little empty without it, just calm and even. And I thank god for it. I can breathe easy and rest well for the first time in weeks.
The danger is not over yet. They couldn't entirely close the wound after the operation, so that will take almost a month to heal, and in the meantime we must be very careful. When the get the biopsy result back we'll know whether this is an end or only a beginning. But it's all right. We've got our tiger for now, and we know how lucky we are.
Thank you all for your wonderful well wishes and your loving thoughts and prayers. I'm convinced you helped carry Tisha through all the risks of this massive surgery. Love.