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lisa bug [userpic]

(no subject)

September 13th, 2001 (06:51 pm)
current music: La Lupe - La tirana

it's such a weird juxtaposition of thoughts and emotions, life. i go on campus and things are starting to fall back into their original places. classes continue, people gossip, everything looks pretty ordinary. i can smile and laugh and be entertained, and for an hour i even forgot what happened two days ago. then i hated myself for forgetting.

i come back from class and immediately sit down with the new york times online, where i can read about rescue workers finding body parts, and new yorkers who know/knew people who worked in the towers who have strapped on comfortable shoes and equipped themselves with bottled water and food, prepared to walk from hospital to hospital with pictures and descriptions of their loved ones... trying to find any bit of evidence at all about their whereabouts...

yesterday, at a time when i was feeling a little better, i read a few more chapters of emma goldman's autobiography. i have been finding that reading her account is somehow comforting and inspiring, not because i believe in the same things that she did (because i do not), but because she was a person who lived in constant danger of arrest or execution and nevertheless continued to stay true to herself and to her cause. something she said in her book struck me yesterday as perfectly applicable (i have changed some verb tenses and other such things):

'life is inexorable; it does not let you pause at any point. there is little time to indulge in retrospection of the past, but it eats into one's consciousness, and nothing can ever still its gnawing. yet life keeps on its course. there is no cessation.'

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